Chiang Mai Adventure Part II

You could imagine the sight that the village drinkers were treated to. A dark skinned beauty pushing a car on one side with a sweaty white foreigner with a goofy hat pushing from the back. They all had the biggest smiles as we came to a stop. I asked how far to the nearest gas station. They did not know what I was talking about. Michelle said to ask about petrol. They knew what petrol was, and one said one or two kilometers. Michelle said we will have to push it. No way I said, are you crazy. I was exhausted from pushing it just a couple of feet over the hill. I told her I could walk and she could stay here.

There was this drunk older Thai fellow who came out to the road and started barking instructions in Thai. I tried to listen to him, but soon realized he was drunk. I could smell his breath from a couple of feet away. I wished we could have him breath into the gas tank as that might get us started. The drunk Thai guy yelling orders made everyone in the bar laugh even louder. All of a sudden, a voice pierced the circus show that was going on and he asked me “do you need petrol?” I said yes, and he replied that he would take me. He got his helmet, and we jumped on his moto-bike while I told Michelle I would be back.

The fellow’s name was Lex, and he said he was from the village of Mae Om. I asked where Mae Om was because this was the mythical village we were trying to get to. He said this is Mae Om. I looked around in horror as although it was very scenic, it was not a place to buy furniture for high class clients. It looked like a rural area of Missouri or Arkansas. I now knew that not only was Michelle a bitch, but she had no clue what she was doing.

We got to a gas station, and the next problem was we needed a tank. Lex talked to the attendant, and she walked off. I asked what was going on, and Lex turned to me and told me not to worry. The attendant walked to an area next door and returned with a discarded plastic tank that I filled with petrol. We then returned to the jeep. On the way Lex told me not to worry while traveling in Thailand as everyone is friendly. I agreed as he was definitely the friendliest person I had met so far.

We returned and Lex started filling the jeep with the petrol. We did not have a nozzle, so some of the petrol spilled down the side. Michelle started to complain about the loss of petrol, but I told her to relax, and she quieted down. I had officially had enough of Michelle. Much of the internal dissent I had been feeling about her that I had only spoken to myself was now beginning to be vocalized. I tried to give Lex some money, but he would not take it. Once again, the friendliest people who deserve a tip would not take it.

Michelle had nicely bought me a sausage, and we sat down and had a beer with Lex and his friends. The least we could do for this extremely friendly person was sit and drink with him. They kept refilling our Chang beer, and Michelle was getting ancy as she wanted to go off to some other village that had nothing in it. I could have stayed and drank with these people all night, and in retrospect, I should have. I should have left Michelle right then, but I did not.

Lex then wanted us to go to his house and see the handicrafts that his sister made. I thought this would be great. We could buy some of his sister’s handicrafts as a way to pay him back for his kindness. They were really neat and I bought a couple and tried to give Lex the money that was labeled on the plastic of the crafts. Lex would not accept money for the ride to the gas station, he flat out refused us to pay for any of the beers we consumed in the bar, and he would not take money for the crafts. I had to force the money for the crafts on him and he finally accepted because I was practically begging for him to take the money.

He guided us to the road, and waived to us with a big smile as we left. I will never forget the help he gave us. I have his phone number and may be someday I will return to Mae Om and see him. Our next stop on this crazy trip to nowhere was Bong So. Michelle started complaining that so much of the day was wasted. I felt like saying “why don’t you look at the gas gauge next time,” but I did not. However, I did tell her that although we have wasted part of the day we did get to meet some incredible people. She was not assuaged by this argument. She turned to me and said “are you saying you don’t care about my work.” I hate this when people twist your words to say something you did not even say. All I was doing was trying to get her to look at the bright side of the whole affair.

My internal voice that had been arguing with Michelle all day and the night before, but had kept quiet because I wanted to bang her again finally awoke. I told her I was tired of the way she had been treating me the last couple of days and that she had been constantly attacking me, and I was tired of it. She got incredibly offended and denied ever doing such and said may she should just take me back to Chiang Mai. I told her that would be a wonderful idea. The next twenty minutes we drove in absolute complete silence. Usually you would think this silence awkward, but I was delighted with the silence and the fact that I would soon be rid of Michelle.

Finally after twenty minutes she said “what fucking pisses me off is that what you say is not true. I have never criticized you. You are 34 not 3. If you attack me for something I did not do, then I will criticize you.” I turned to her and said “Michelle, if it makes you feel better to criticize me then fire away.” This got her silent again. Couple of minutes later she asked where in Chiang Mai do you want to be dropped off. I said the Midtown guesthouse please. Minutes later we were there. I gathered my stuff and said goodbye, and she waived her hand at me and said “later” without even looking at me and got in the car and took off. I walked around to the guesthouse and asked if they had a room. 200 baht the man said and smiled. I said I will take it and smiled back. I was free.

“It is better to travel alone, than with a bad company.” Senegalese Proverb

Chiang Mai Adventure Part I

The next morning I felt like crap because of not enough sleep and too much to drink. I was messing with my piece of crap phone when Michelle almost walked in on me naked. I whirled behind the door and told her I would be ready in about twenty minutes. I showered and packed in no time and was ready to leave. I was kind of sorry to leave my dear Midtown Guesthouse, but the trip around the Chiang Mai countryside sounded interesting. We walked around the corner and picked up a cool jeep/SUV like car that Michelle had rented. Michelle asked if I was a good driver. I said that I was, but I did not want to drive. She said ok, and handed me a map and said I had to navigate. In retrospect, I wish I would have driven. The maps she gave me had little notes of the places she wanted to visit.

We drove out of town and headed south. The first place we wanted to go was a complex near the Chiang Mai airport that had a few places to shop supposedly. We got there, but the place in question did not open for another twenty minutes. Michelle said it would actually be another thirty minutes as she showed me her phone that said 10:02am. My watch said 10:12am and was tuned to the times on the internet, so I knew mine was right, but I did not want to argue. The place looked more like a mall than a craft place, and Michelle said she had been to many a mall in her life and did not want to wait a half hour for a mall, so we took off.

There were a bevy of other places she had checked further south, so we got back into the jeep and headed in that direction. I was thinking that since Michelle was traveling for work that she would be organized. I was to learn differently. The maps she gave me to navigate were not detailed maps of the Chiang Mai country roads, but area maps on tourist pamphlets that were mere little half page inlet maps that just showed the towns in the area around Chiang Mai. I found it difficult to navigate with the tools given me. We got lost getting out of the airport complex, and I had no idea where we were. She somehow got us out by meandering down these village alleyways and street to get back to the main road heading south.

We stopped at this really big furniture complex. It had some really cool oriental architectural design. There were statues of Buddha and really cool looking dragons all over the place. Michelle would take pictures of the items that interested her on her digital camera, so she could show her clients. Then she took notes of the item numbers and got address information of the place, so she could have things shipped if her clients were interested. We then hit another store that also had some really nice furniture. I was thinking that may be she could ship some of this stuff to me at some point. Next we hit a smaller store that had a lot of materials made of straw. I guess the Chiang Mai area is famous for straw. I bought a really cool straw hat that looked really cool and had a nice mesh area on each side for good ventilation. I was sure to consult Michelle for her opinion this time and she agreed it was a cute hat. I bought it for 3$.

It was time for some lunch, and we were near the town of Lamphun, pronounced Lampoon like the company that used to make funny movies in the 80s. We found a place in Lamphun where there were many Thai people eating. This is always a good sign. Michelle told me that she hoped I liked soup. All they served here was soup. They had this huge heated bowl in the middle of the restaurant where the broth was cooked and stored. They ladled out the broth and then added any extras that you wanted like noodles and beef and some vegetables. They had a spice rack on each table where you could spice the dish up to your liking. I am not a big soup fan, but I had no complaints. These meals were under 1$, very tasty, and surprisingly filling.

After that we got lost trying to get out of the town of Lamphun. She told me to get out and ask these Thai men for directions. These guys were in an alley and I approached one and said Sawedti Krap (hello), and he replied in same. I pointed to a town on the map where Michelle wanted to go to next and then I made the international gesture of where the hell is this town. With all types of gestures and speaking he tried to communicate where to go, but all I could understand is that we were going the wrong way. I already knew that anyways. I finally just thanked him and returned to the vehicle and told Michelle it was the other way and that is all I could understand. She tried to turn around and the directions man motioned us to come into his alleyway to turn around. Michelle did not feel comfortable doing this so she went into the opposite alley and turned around in a drive way and came back out to the street. When we got to the street the directions man was on a moto-bike and putting his helmet on, and he motioned for us to follow him. He took us 20 minutes out of Lumphon and then pointed to an exit where we needed to go and then smiled and waived and turned around. We both bowed and thanked him vociferously as we passed him. I would still be in Lumphon right now if it was not for him.

This was one of those moments of zen where everything just seemed right. We were totally lost in Lumphon and then all of a sudden a really nice person came to our rescue and went way out of his way to help us. When we were following him, Bob Dylan’s “Like a Rolling Stone” was blasting out of Michelle’s IPOD. I was with a gorgeous woman in the middle of nowhere in Thailand, someone I had never met before and could not even communicate with was helping me even though I would never see him again, and a great song was playing while the wind was whipping through the car and jostling Michelle’s hair. Everything seemed perfect at that moment. Unfortunately, this feeling of completeness was short lived.

We were soon on the road to the town that Michelle wanted to go to. The town’s name was Ma Tha. The road we were on was now a highway and had exits instead of being a country road. There was an exit to Ma Tha that Michelle was hell bent for leather to get to, but when we got there she did not exit because there was obviously nothing there of interest except some farms and nondescript buildings. Michelle then changed plans and said the next place she wanted to go to was Mae Om. I was beginning to question if Michelle knew where the hell she was going, but I was enjoying the riding around, so I did not say anything. To get to Mae Om, we had to eventually turn left, but there was nothing of note in Ma Tha to indicate that there was a road to Mae Om, so we kept traveling south. There was a small road to the left, but it looked like a small country rural route that would not lead to any furniture Mecca place like Mae Om.

Michelle was intently driving south. I knew that Mae Om was to the east, but Michelle was driving with such purpose that I figured she knew where she was going. The road was really beautiful and passed through an area of large hills and forests. I made a comment on how beautiful the scenery was, and she turned to me and asked where we were. I told her I had no idea. She got really mad at me and said “puppy, you have got to get your act together.” I told her I thought she knew where she was going. She was really put out and complained about using all this gasoline by going out of her way. I told her that I would pay for the gasoline, but she said forget it and turned around. I was angry because she got mad at me for not knowing where we were, but she did not know where she was going. Then she complained about the gas situation and when I offered to help with that she declined. I think I was just a convenient escape goat for any problem that came along. We drove back to Ma Tha in silence. Michelle was beautiful, but her looks were really wearing thin at this point.

We got back to the turn that I thought might be it and we stopped and she told me to ask these workers on the side of the road how to get to Mae Om. Of course these workers could not speak English. I stuck my head out the passenger window and pointed to Mae Om on the crappy little map and shrugged as if saying “where the hell is this town?” They took the map and an animated discussion in Thai developed between these workers. Michelle hissed “what is taking them so long.” Obviously they were having a problem with the piece of crap map plus the map was in English. Relax, I said to myself although did not tell Michelle. We do not speak their language and they do not speak English, and they have a crappy map, so this easy task is now complex. After their little parlay ended, the leader of the group came back to the car and gestured for us to go straight and then left. Sure enough, this was the little road I saw the first time that we came by this place. As soon as we turned their was a sign that looked like a mileage sign to all the towns on this road, but unfortunately it was all in Thai, so we were still not sure if we were on the right road.

The road meandered through many villages and passed an entrance to a national park. I really wished I could have been there by myself because there looked like a lot of great places to see. Unfortunately, I was on this mad adventure to find furniture. I was with a beautiful woman who was becoming less and less attractive each moment as I was getting to know her better.

We passed a few little stores that had gas pumps. I remember Michelle was concerned about gas, but now she did not seem too concerned, so I figured we were doing okay. I figured we had enough to make it to the mythical town of Mae Om. I was beginning to think of Mae Om as some oasis in the desert with gas stations, and furniture shops galore. We then climbed this really steep hill and near the top of the hill the car coughed and came to a stop. Michelle informed me that we were out of gas. Oh my God, I thought. We were in the middle of nowhere in a foreign country and just run out of gas. I could not believe she could be so stupid. We were not quite at the top of the hill, so I had to push the car up over the summit with Michelle in it. I got behind the car and started running. Once we crossed over the pinnacle of the hill it started to coast downhill, so I jumped in and we glided down a good couple of miles down the hill. We were both praying that we would coast up to a gas station as we seemed to be entering the outskirts of a village. I thought great, we will coast right into a gas station. This was not to be, but the second best thing happened. We coasted to a stop in front of the local watering hole.

Chiang Mai part II

Michelle studied architecture in a good college in New York, so as you could imagine she is very bright. She builds home for people in Southern Thailand and also compliments her architectural skills by doing interior decorating for her clients. She was in Chiang Mai looking for ideas for her clients to decorate their homes with. Chiang Mai is known for its arts and crafts, so that was why she was here. Unlike me, she was here on business. This difference soon became our downfall.

Someday, I will leave this town, but I don’t know when. I could handle staying here forever just walking around, checking out temples, getting 5$ foot massages, taking an occasional trek. After my language class I went and had lunch across the street and finished my book I was reading. The book was called Monsoon Country by a Thai writer named Pira Sudham and it was an autobiography on how the writer rose from destitute poverty as a young peasant boy to becoming an educated man in Britain. The book was dedicated to a number of teachers who had been executed in Thailand for speaking out against corruption.

It made me appreciate the importance of the profession I am going into. It was only a good teacher who uplifted the young peasant boy and prompted him to dream about becoming more and swayed him to rise out of poverty through education. It also made me appreciate the dangers that teachers in the past have had to face. The author’s teacher was murdered for speaking up against local corruption as were many others in Thailand. Many other instances in history show the dangers of teaching. Mao’s great leap forward “re-educated” teachers and killed many, the Khmer Rouge in my next stop of Cambodia nearly wiped out the entire intelligentsia, the first thing the Nazis did was execute the intelligentsia including teachers in many occupied countries like Poland, and Jedi teacher Obi Juan Knobi was done in by the light saber of Darth Vader.

I was at my customary spot alone because Michelle was out looking at furniture prospects. Sean and Mike from Seattle returned from their trek and came in and we compared notes on our experiences. Later in the day I was having lunch across the street and Sean joined me. Both of them saw me the day before with Michelle and Sean asked me if I banged her. I replied that perhaps, and he nodded in approval taking my answer as an affirmative, and they told me that she was hot.

The highlight of the day was I took an hour Thai speaking class. There was a placard near the guesthouse with a phone number offering one-on-one speaking classes for about 5$ an hour. I was waiting for her at our rendez-vous spot. She was a little late, and when she arrived she came running over to me and asked if I called her. I asked if she was Aiy, and she replied that she was. She smiled, bowed, and apologized for being late. She had a really pretty smile and had quite a bit of energy. She turned out to be a great teacher. We walked over to a nearby temple and had our lesson in a shaded courtyard behind the temple.

Thai is a very tough language. The linguistics are completely different and there are some sounds that they make to form their words that are not used in the English language. My tongue was sore from making movements it was not accustomed to making. She taught me basic conversation and also taught me Thai numbers. She was a really good teacher. I was disappointed that she was busy the next day, but she called her boyfriend and told me that he will be giving me another hour lesson tomorrow. In the meantime, I have plenty of homework to study. As I type this report I have just finished the lesson, and I am exhausted. I have not thought that much in a long time.

I had been text messaging Michelle throughout the day, and was waiting for her return. In the meantime I took a walk in order to kill time. When I returned to the guesthouse, it was already dark, and as I was entering the rooms I heard “Ted, come up here and have a shot.” This was music to my ears. My room was downstairs, but there is a second floor and at the entrance to the rooms on the second floor there is a railing with a balcony that overlooks the courtyard where I usually like to sit. On the balcony is a picnic table. Sitting at that table drinking shots of whiskey was Mike from Seattle. I hate to see a man drink by himself, so I joined him and had a few shots. Soon, Sean joined us, and we were having a little party.

Michelle returned and had a drink with us. She informed us that a bunch of tourists were killed in a boating accident in Southern Thailand. I thought this was awful, especially coming on the heels of the Tsunami. I thought this would be all over the news, but it was not. I guess after 300,000 people died in the tsunami, seven dead drunk foreign revelers was no big deal. Michelle proclaimed she was starving and Sean suggested an Italian place right around the corner from the “I hate Ted” café. Since I am part Italian, I figured they wouldn’t hate me there. Michelle was happy with that suggestion, and we invited Sean and Mike to join us. They declined as they did not want to be a third and fourth wheel.

We had a great dinner and shared a pizza and some spaghetti. In the middle of our dinner a Karen villager came up to our table as we were seated outside and wanted to sell us jewelry. We declined, but she was really persistent. Finally Michelle bought us each a little hand woven bracelet for fifty cents each and the lady toting a baby tied it on each of us. This is one thing that is really annoying about Asia. People are always trying to sell you things because since you are foreign they think you are rich. We are rich compared to these people, but it would be nice if they gave us some space sometimes. Many do know when to give us space, but an annoying small percentage do not. If there is one time that one does not like being bothered it is while eating. Could you imagine going to a restaurant in the states and there was some dude going from table to table peddling magazines. I was in a restaurant in Tennessee one time and a bum snuck in and started begging right at our table. He was kicked out in no time by the manager.

Even though it was a great meal, besides the annoying jewelry peddler, there was another ominous sign that I experienced at dinner. When we were at the guesthouse talking with Sean and Mike we were talking about tipping. Being a waiter, this conversation always interests me. We were discussing how it is difficult to know when to tip in foreign countries. Many foreigners do not tip at all because that is the custom in their country. Sean and Mike both stated that they considered themselves good tippers. At dinner Michelle started ripping into Sean and Mike. She thought Mike was a closet homosexual and also ripped into them for their discussion on tipping because she said tipping is a personal thing and no one else’s business. I disagreed with this as I initiated the conversation in the first place. I think she entered right in the middle of this topic, so she may not have known she was actually ripping into me. Anyways, I disagree that it is a personal thing. Tipping is a custom that is different from country to country and you should tip in the expectation of the custom of the country that you are visiting. It can be hard to know what that custom is, but one way to find out is to discuss it with other people to get their experiences and feelings on the subject. In America we are expected to tip 15% to 20% and even more if the service is really good. In Japan, tipping is disrespectful and can be insulting. Mike and Sean were young kids right out of college. They were a little immature, but I was the same way at their age. I enjoyed hanging out with them and their energy, and I overlooked any of the negatives that their youth brought out because on the whole they were nice kids. I was a little taken aback by the venom in Michelle’s attack on them. I felt like I should defend them, but I again wanted to shack up with Michelle, so I kept my mouth shut.

We then went around the corner and had a drink at a bar where there was a band of Thai musicians playing Creedence Clearwater Revival and the Eagles Hotel California. This was not going to be the last time I would hear Hotel California. Michelle told me she wanted to get to bed early because she wanted to rent a car and tour the surrounding countryside for research for her work. She invited me to come along, and I accepted. She said we would have to check out by 8:45 because she wanted an early start, and she also wanted to stay at a hotel or another guesthouse outside of Chiang Mai, so we did not have to come back. We returned to the guesthouse, and we went our separate rooms for bed.